Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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