New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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