Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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