whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
