Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
