Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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