At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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