would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
