...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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