so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
