I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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