I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
