Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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