The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my liver is dry heaving
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
