mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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