I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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