Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
