u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
