trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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