You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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