her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
