WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
