Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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