FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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