My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
