I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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