She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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