You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I look better un-naked...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
