i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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