i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
