Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
