when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
