Already got asked if we're dating
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
