Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
try to milk me bitch
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