Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
