I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
