his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The dick lei will go down in squad history
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
