My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They took my balls.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
