when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
