I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
