she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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