after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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