Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He passed out mid-signature
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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