Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
