oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
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Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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