i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
