so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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