I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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