Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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