Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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