Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
