Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
