If i come over, it means nothing
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
