Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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