the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
