I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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