I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
