Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize
