I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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