what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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