you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
