and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
