you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
