so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
